If you got a new haircut, I notice.
New shoes, I notice.
Looking sad/happy/excited/annoyed, I notice.
As a noticer and as someone who likes when people notice the positive things about me, I often comment on those things.
A good friend of mine mentioned once that she's a bucket filler, she gives amazing and heart felt compliments. My kids learned about bucket filling at preschool where filling someone's bucket is done through actions or words that show that you care about someone. Saying or doing something kind. Giving sincere compliments. Showing respect to others.
These are good things, right? It depends...
two articles I read recently got me thinking about this. This post talked about a mom's interaction with Santa Claus with her daughter where he noticed and commented on just her dress:
Like most girls, my daughter hears, "That's a pretty dress, did you pick it yourself?" or "What lovely hair you have" or "You have the most amazing eyelashes," or "I like the bows on your shoes" or "You are so cute" almost every time somebody engages in conversation with her....Despite our best intentions, we have no frame of reference to engage with girls on any level other than the superficial.She suggests instead of opening a conversation with a girl to use ice breakers like:
- Where have you been today? or Where are you going today?
- How old are you?
- What do you want to be when you grow up?
- What's your favorite book/toy/sport/animal/food/song?
I love that! And in reading that, I resolved never to comment on a girl's physical appearance again! My noticing days are over! (the new year is a time for bold changes right? No.) But then I read this... and remembered oh yeah, it's vital to remember to tell our daughters:
“You are beautiful just the way you are.”There's nothing wrong with beauty. It's a balance as to how we recognize and encourage it.
In a world where 80% of 10-year-old American girls say they have been on a diet, we have to remember how susceptible they are to how we as women view our own bodies and how very successful companies spend a lot of money to get us to spend money on products to improve our bodies.
That's why we loved the mission of the women at Beauty Redefined and why we work hard on Girls EDGE to encourage trying your best and forming strong, positive friendships.
During this time of year when diet commercials are trying to tell us what our New Year's resolutions are, I'm encouraged by this and hope you are too:
The scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love.
- Steve Maraboli, author
- Coach Kara
